Discipline: control, training, teaching, regulation, order, strictness, direction
I used to have discipline in certain areas of my life. Too much discipline actually. Controlling what I ate, how much I ate, how much I worked out…I was so in control of those things, that I was out of control.
Recap: lately I have not been doing what I should be doing. As a mother, as a wife, and as a human being in general. I was slacking on household chores. I was becoming behind on laundry, dishes, and other simple tasks that I can accomplish on my own. I was beginning to hate myself for not keeping up better. Not doing what I know I should. Facebook was a huge distraction. It’s something I’ve nearly always been obsessed with. And it has been the root of many of my husband and I’s arguments.
My weight has rested upon a hill that I so desperately want to come down from. But every single day I make justifications for what I eat and my lack of exercise. And every single day I stay more and more stuck.
I have been lacking discipline.
So I decided to say goodbye to Facebook for a month. And work on my house. Work on my marriage. Work on myself. (This is not to say my marriage is not good by any means. But every marriage can always improve, and it starts by improving ourselves!)
I have had so much more time to think. It’s amazing how clear my thoughts have become. Facebook is like looking at a family through a keyhole. (Creeper!) You only see a very small aspect of a person. And more often than not we are comparing ourselves with others, and trying to look like something we aren’t.
I compare a lot. I compare myself to my family and to my friends. I try to keep up appearance. I try to look like I’ve got this “life” thing figure out. But I don’t.
I’m still figuring it all out. I’m still discovering who I am, and what I enjoy. And still discovering the beauty of marriage and motherhood.
It’s all a journey.
So this week, in my journey, I have joined up with my cousin to do a five day juicing cleanse by Jason Vale. I’m currently on day two, and let me just tell you…if you’ve never done a cleanse, I urge you to. Not just for the physical benefits, but because you will learn very quickly what kind of person you are…
So far, I have learned I’m a person of justifications. I already knew that to some degree, but it is intensely magnified and quite apparent.
Driving past all the fast food restaurants, my stomach gurgling, begging for food, my thoughts begin stirring; “you’ve done good so far, just get one thing!” NO! “Then just get a pop or a cappuccino…” NOOOO!!!!
I didn’t realize that I would be cleansing more than just my body with this juicing experience. Apparently I’m cleansing my mind and pushing through the distraction of thought and learning to press toward the right direction: juicing towards discipline.