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Dear Mom: Getting and Giving Advice

Dear Mom,

You feel judged for what you do, and what you don’t do. They say jump, you jump, but you’re wrong for not asking how high. You’re doing the best you know how, but there’s always something they’re doing better, and they’ll be sure you know it. 

You are afraid to ask for advice, because that shows you’re not as good of a parent as those who already knew the answer. You’re terrified to accept advice because you’re unsure if it was directed towards your parenting choices or the sole safety of your child. 

You run yourself ragged worrying about your child, and if having that McDonald’s for the third time this week means you are failing, because that other mom on Facebook gave their kid fresh strawberries, and celery with organic peanut butter. ‘Am I the worst parent for letting my kid eat that fry from the floor?’ You ponder. 

Your kid has grass stained clothes from so much outdoor play, while you read one mom say her kid only owns nice clothing, no stained clothes. Are you wearing nicer clothes than your kid?!

Your hair is greasy and in the same bun it’s been in for two days now because you’ve been so focused on trying to keep your house as clean as your neighbors and your kids’ nose as spotless as they say you should. You feel like you’re drowning in the preconceived ideas of perfect parenting. 

Dear Mom, take a breath. 

We are all the same. 

Yes, even those who don’t appear to be. Those moms that are so quick to offer judgment than advice, they’re just as frayed as you. They’re better at hiding it, and it makes them feel more ahead to belittle your open ways, than to join you in the trenches and say, “we understand!” 

So don’t be fooled. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Be prepared to be judged, for those broken Momma’s that haven’t learned compassion feel a need to be momentarily above. Let them have their few minutes of fame, for their flame is so dimly lit…but watch as the other moms, the ones like us, will come beside you. 

You are not alone, dear Mom. We are all in the parenting trenches together. Be open to advice from those who offer it with genuine love and concern for your baby, and ignore the advice offered by those who’s agenda is to critique your parenting choices, they’re not worth listening to. 

-sincerely a mom who’s been ‘there’.

And to the moms who offer advice with the forefront of your motives and thoughts being based on the mother and her skill or choice…you are doing it wrong. Stay silent. Speak nothing. Move on. 

To the moms who offer advice with the forefront of your motives and thoughts being to benefit the wellbeing and safety of a child, speak on! Never stay silent! Don’t be afraid of the rejection and distance you will inevitably receive from too many Momma’s…if your entire hearts desire is to help an innocent child in a potentially dangerous situation, #speakupwithlove. 

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